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An (unofficial) History of Cleo continued

August 25, 2010

Building on Monday’s post, Cleo’s campaign team wanted to try to piece together Cleo’s history. Cleo is a rescued Pug and as such, her origins are a bit of a mystery. However, through the power of the Internets, and endless hours of research, her campaign team has been able to piece together a few things. Now, we cannot confirm and/or deny the authenticity of all of these claims. The campaign team is slogging through each and every claim with a fine tooth furminator in between speech writing, and policy development. In the meantime, may we present to you the unofficial history of Cleo: A) Cleo comes from a heroic and hard working line of Pugs. Her ancestry was known in the Pug community as master hunters able to take down lions and unicorns for the rest of the Pug pack.

B) Sony pictures, Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones agreed to postpone the filming of Men In Black 3 until after the 2010 election. C) Cleo is currently in discussion with a yet to be named Hollywood picture studio to develop, write, co-produce, direct, star and coordinate all stunt work for a re-interpretation of Lassie as a Pug.

D) Cleo is a master at conflict resolution – she lives with two cats! ‘nough said.

E) Cleo would be a volunteer firefighter if it wasn’t for the height requirement. Station mascot may be an option should Cleo be willing to adorn her fur with spray painted spots.

F) Cleo’s great-great-great-great uncle Gnuggit was the Pug of Trudeau’s Attorney General.

G) Cleo is fluent en trois langues *Snort* – English, en français and in Snort.

H) Cleo interned for Obama, but had to resign from her post after beating him in a game of 21.

I) Cleo had a short stint as co-host of a satellite radio show with Dr. Phil before Rachel Ray bought the network and turned it into a 24/7 homage to EVOO.

J) Cleo oversaw the PR campaign to make the OC Chopper boys more approachable and cuddly.

K) Cleo’s cousin (twice removed…then put back in once…oh never mind!) was the technical advisor for the Queen’s strategic gopher extraction and removal team in the gardens of Buckingham palace.

L) This same pug relative later crossed the English channel without any assistance.

M) Cleo’s brother hooked up with that Chihuahua from Beverley Hills Chihuahua.

N) Cleo’s Italian ancestors of sketchy descent coined the term “Puggetaboutit!.” We didn’t ask any questions!

O) Cleo’s mentor toured with Sinatra in Vegas. We didn’t ask about this either. You know what they about what happens in Vegas right?

P) One of Cleo’s fraternity brothers was responsible for sniffing out the biggest drug seizure in CBSA history.

Q) Cleo gave Stieg Larson the idea for Dragons with his novel Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

Off to shake paws and lick babies!

Don’t forget about me on Twitter (@Cleo4Mayor)!

Cleo’s Scribe

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