on clean slates, and thinking like mr. clean
An imagined yet probably highly accurate letter by yours truly and pugfully.
Dear Ottawa,
This time around I promise to be a fiscally responsible mayor. Sure, I tried to give myself a $32,000 raise immediately after being elected last time around, but after some bad publicity I decided against that. And, that was years ago! Think of all the things I have done since then.
Maybe don’t think of the bribery charges.
Like, for example, I promised not to raise taxes!
Okay so I raised taxes. But budgeting is hard. How could I have known? Plus, promises don’t really count as promises if they are made by politicians. It’s part of the game. By the by, I promise to freeze taxes. Again. This time I will do it for sures.
Let’s freeze salaries while we are at it. I understand that freezing wages during a period of inflation effectively cuts wages, leaving less money with the Ottawaians to re-invest in the economy, but maybe you don’t.
I promise to continue to govern Ottawa in such a way that brings council together. I might even give all council members a gold coin of recognition. Instead of just some of them.
Probably not though.
Re-elect me. I promise you more of the same. And that is one promise I can keep.
Warm regards,
L.O.
- Cleo’s scribe
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